Your holiday tool belt includes: 

Questions to connect with your inner wisdom

Mantras to use when the going gets rough 

Opportunities for connection with other parents:

Family Culture & 2024 Kickoff Online Retreat January 19th, 2024 9am-1pm EST 

Questions to Connect with Your Inner Wisdom

Materials needed for your tool belt: Post-Its and Permission Slips

Do you ever find yourself saying something like, “I just have to get through the holidays and then I can…”?

I heard myself say this recently, and it made me pause and step back to look at what was going on inside of me. I was feeling stressed about balancing many people’s needs and wants. When this happens, I need to ask myself:

What do I really want from this holiday season?

I want to appreciate and have fun with my family, my extended family and friends. I want to enjoy the seasonal opportunity to do special things, serve others, and think about what I’m grateful for in my life.

Now it’s your turn…

What do YOU want from this holiday week?  And what do YOU need to feel good? 

Take a minute to ponder this question. You might even write your answer on a Post-It and put it on your bathroom mirror or your computer. Parents often leave themselves out of their web of care. However, your well being dramatically influences your children’s well being, so include your own needs and desires as you make decisions.

If you find yourself wondering if you can really have the things you want, you might write yourself a “Permission Slip” that says ” _________ has permission to … (read a book, do something by yourself, watch a movie, go do something that excites you…). You can post it somewhere as a reminder.

You might need to get creative or ask for help to get what you want. As Marie Forleo says, “Everything is Figuroutable.” You give others the opportunity to receive the gift of feeling helpful by asking them for help.

Asking for help starts with getting clear about what you really need and want. Then you can ask others to help you make that happen. As I often tell my parent coaching clients, “Specific requests get cooperation” much more than vague wishes. Your kids will cooperate more when they know exactly what you want. (Think of the response you’d get between “Clean your room” and “Please make your bed, put your books on the shelves and the dirty clothes in the hamper.”

If your kids are old enough to talk, you can have a family conversation in which each person gets to say a few things they are hoping will happen this week or month. Then you can try to find a way for each person to get their needs met. If you can’t do an activity right now, you can figure out a plan for the future. These types of conversations are part of building a family culture of mutual respect and support. 

Mantras to use when the going gets rough

Materials needed for your tool belt: Index cards or Post-Its

Think of a time when you managed a difficult situation with grace. What did you say to yourself to help you act with calm and kindness? This kind of internal dialogue or mantra can be grounding when you are faced with a challenging scenario.

Here are a few holiday scenarios you might relate to…

• Your child is having a total meltdown after a long day or a night of poor sleep and you, yourself, are already feeling overloaded. You snap and then feel bad as things get worse.
• You are lying with your child on an uncomfortable blow up mattress wishing they would just go to sleep while everyone else is downstairs talking and having fun.
• Your child or teen talks back to you in front of guests and you are filled with anger and shame as you see eyebrows raise or hear someone say, “My children never talked to me that way.”
• You are exhausted from cooking and cleaning all day and then your kids are arguing over something minor and you just wish you could go somewhere far away from everyone just for a little while…

I’m sure we’d have quite a list if we were all to share past experiences of holiday or traveling irritation. 🙂

So what can you say to yourself, like a mantra, to stay centered and able to be your best self? 

The word mantra comes from two Sanskrit words—manas (mind) and tra (tool). Mantra literally means “a tool for the mind,” and was designed to help people access their higher power.

Photo of prayer cloths by Raimond Klavins on Unsplash

Need help developing a tool for your mind?

I wrote a blog last year that walks you through the steps of how to create a mantra.

If you are interested in joining me for a workshop to help you create your own parenting mantras, please send me an email at amy@amybehrens.com. Parents who have attended this workshop in the past found it to be transformative.

“It’s been about 4 months now since the parenting mantra workshop and I can clearly see the changes in both me and my son. We still bicker of course, but not as often anymore as before and I’m calmer now even in situations when he’s being hard headed. When I feel like exploding in anger, I just silently chant my mantra and I then I calm down. It feels like magic, really. My son listens to me more too when I’m cool and collected. There is now more peace and order at home. So, Thank you Amy for that workshop. Super appreciated!” Queenie V., Netherlands, Mom of a 12 year old boy

Here are some of my favorite questions and mantras for you to try out:

Choose the questions and mantras you like best and write them on an index card or Post-It for your holiday tool belt.

Questions:

What is most important right now? (great for re-centering when feeling frazzled or overwhelmed. Once you get clear on the answer, you can just focus on that one thing.)

HALT: Am I or are my kids Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? (If yes, focus on taking care of that need first and let go of managing the annoying behavior if possible. Try using playfulness to get your child to let you help them.)

What am I appreciating right now? What is good in this present moment/ my life? (This is helpful when waiting for a child to do something – fall asleep, go to the potty, finish talking to a friend, etc. Use the wait time as a Mindfulness Moment. Use each of your senses to notice things about that moment or go through a mental list of things you are grateful for.)

Mantras:

Validate and Acknowledge first. This is helpful to calm anyone who wants something. Some starter phrases are:

• “I get it. You want…”
• “Of course you want to… Right now we need to… so let’s make a plan to ….”
• “It looks like you’re feeling… How about if we…”
• “You wish that…I wish…too. Let’s help each other by…”

I will be the change I want to see. Bring out the best in yourself. Remember that our children often mirror back the behavior they observe in us over time. Model what you want from them.

Focus on what I want to see grow. Your attention is like the sun. Focus your sunshine on the behavior you want to light up and grow in others. If we focus on the negative, that grows instead.

This, too, shall pass. This mantra is good for getting through a tough time and keeping your mouth closed to avoid saying something you’ll regret.

Clear is kind. Brené Brown teaches this reminder to remind us to be clear about what we want and need from others. That helps others be more able to meet our needs.

One breath at a time. You can always switch to conscious nose breathing and activate your body’s calming response. Read this blog for more ideas on this technique.

Pro Tip: Make it visual! Think about what phrase helps keep you aligned with your best self and come up with a symbol to help you remember that phrase or feeling during a hard moment.

Want more harmony in your daily family life?

Take time to reflect on your family and set yourself up for a great new year at my

Family Culture & 2024 Kickoff online mini-retreat January 19th 9am-1pm EST!

Join me, along with other parents, to connect, reduce conflict, and feel more joy through the year!

Through our time together, you will:

• Develop vision and tools for your family
• Get inspiration to make time with your family more fun and enjoyable
• Understand of the “C’s of family culture”
• Experience warm camaraderie with a group of like-minded parents
• Receive expert tips from me, a parent coach with years of experience working with families
• Create action steps you can start using right away

What does “Family Culture” mean? 

Family culture is the way your family operates together – how you communicate, what you expect from each other, how you organize your day, when and how you gather, and what you do throughout the day and at special times of the year. Many of us don’t really think of these habits of being as our culture, but they are.

 Details here.

When is this workshop happening?

Sign up here: 
Friday, January 19th, 2024 9am -1pm EST 

Hope to see you there!

The Family Culture and Winter Kickoff Retreat is a wonderful way to hone your parenting tools while connecting with other parents. You benefit from each other’s wisdom as you learn from our discussions.

I wish you peace, connection, and beautiful moments of appreciating the good in your life during this holiday season!

Amy