Being vs. Doing – the Power of Listening

I recently had the good fortune to spend an hour being coached by a good friend who is a leadership coach. The feeling of having someone listen deeply and gently ask me questions to take me deeper into myself was wonderful and relaxing. I was able to find the source of my feelings and gain energy by reconnecting with myself, even as I faced some fears and difficult realizations. Taking time to focus on being vs. doing always helps me become more mindful, calm, and present.

As a parent coach, I feel that it is very important that I get coached, too, so that I am always improving my skills and experiencing a taste of what I am giving my clients. Being coached helped me remember truths I know deep down, but occasionally forget due to the busy nature of my life. My friend helped me to sit and be with my inner self, which is something we all need to do, both for ourselves and our children.

Be – Do – Have

Photo credit: Martin Oslic at Unsplash.com

The truth is that we must BE before we can DO in order to HAVE what we want in our lives – something I learned from Christine Kane, of Uplevel You. If you are like me, you sometimes get caught up in doing and end up feeling anxious, overwhelmed, and off-balance. When that happens to me, I know it’s time to SLOW DOWN and just be so that I can reconnect with who I am and what I want in my life.

Lately, I have been focusing on coaching parents, teaching mindful parenting classes, and facilitating discussions among parents about race and justice. I love what I am doing and feel fully present and in a “flow” when doing each of these activities. I have been in “action mode.” I even recently facilitated a discussion on “generating action” for a group of women. However, I realized this morning that in the center of the action must be stillness, so that I am centered and aligned with myself and my purpose. Even though I am continually drawn to action and doing, my inner self craves stillness and being, especially when my spin starts wobbling out of balance.

Questions that helped me realize the state of my being:

I loved the idea of this pig “just being” in such an unusual setting. A fun reminder to just breathe and “be”! Photo credit: Jakob Owens from Unsplash.com

What is my self-talk right now? What types of thoughts am I having?

What is the impact of those inner thoughts on my feelings, behaviors and actions?

What does it mean for me to be true to myself?

What do I notice that can tell me that I am getting off center? (feelings, physical sensations, thoughts, behaviors)

What inner tensions do I experience? (For me, they are head vs. heart, action vs. being, and other vs. self)

Creating a New Message for Myself

And from my answers to these questions, I can choose a new message for myself that helps me get what I need. For me, this morning, the message I needed to hear was, “Choose peace and simplicity. Be true to yourself. Do what your heart loves to do.”

I wanted to go to a class today that would have been enriching, inspiring, and centering in its own way, but by exploring my answers to these questions, I realized that what I really wanted and needed was space to just be and to write this post. I am always coming up with ideas for blog posts, but I have a hard time sitting down and just being with myself long enough to write one without getting distracted with easier actions for me. I get immediate gratification from being with people, responding to emails or planning new events, so sitting and writing feels more challenging to me. And yet, it feels good to write down these thoughts in hopes that they might benefit my readers. I hope that you, too, will find these questions and reflections useful in helping you to be with yourself and discover what it is you feel most drawn to do today.

As parents, we often get distracted from ourselves, but it is important to take time to center yourself, feel your feelings, and listen to what your heart wants. Once you have taken this time to be with yourself, then you are more able to be there for your children and others. Loving ourselves in this way helps us to feel replenished, self-directed, and energized to do what we discover we really want to do AND to be more present and loving with all of the people in our lives.

Have a wonderful day! Take time to just BE, even if it is just for a few minutes.

Who I serve: I coach parents from coast to coast in the US and internationally.  Thanks to Zoom, I am currently coaching parents from Boston to Seattle, Connecticut to California, as well as New York, Ohio, and Colorado. I’ve worked with parents in Bermuda, Japan, Portugal, and Canada as well. I’m grateful for these global and domestic connections!