Want a few powerful catalysts to help you turn moments of conflict into times of connection and growth? A catalyst is “an agent that provokes or speeds significant change or action.” (Merriam-Webster Dictionary) This word reminds me of beautiful smoking blue and magenta test tube reactions in my high school chemistry lab.
Today I’m writing about words that can serve as “connection catalysts” with family and friends – phrases that can cause a quick shift in the mood, energy, or action of a given moment.
Late spring comes with that pressure of filling out camp forms, mapping out summer schedules, and figuring out kids’ practices, events and performances. Some of you may also be preparing for changing family dynamics as college students return and kids graduate or go to camp for weeks of the summer.
Day-to-day realities of relationship ups and downs, school stress, and work and volunteer pressures can act as catalysts for big emotional reactions because we are carrying so much at one time.
However, with some focus, we can develop positive catalysts so that we are less likely to bubble over. We can create beautiful transformations instead.
Need a catalyst to help you quickly get centered and clear?
Connection Catalysts
For the next few months, I’ll be sharing my favorite catalysts for connection and cooperation with you through my newsletters (sign up button on the footer) and blogs.
“Connection Catalysts” are powerful parenting phrases you can use to quickly turn conflicts into opportunities for connection and growth.
One of my clients inspired me to write this blog with her clever set of cue cards based on key ideas from our parent coaching sessions. We had talked about ways that she could be creative and remember parenting tools in the heat of the moment, and she combined those goals beautifully.
Candice came up with this great idea of creating her own deck of cue cards, and I loved them so much that I asked her if I could share a photo of her cards in my next newsletter. Thank you for sharing this idea, Candice!
What to expect in the coming months
Each month, I will send out newsletters with “connection catalysts” that I often share with my parent coaching clients. These are road-tested ideas and phrases that I use with my own children (ages 15-20) as well as with my nieces and nephews (ages 4-20). My clients have found them to be transformative with their families (ages 0-adult!), too, so I know they work. Try them out for yourself and create your own!
Connection Catalyst Example: “What is most important right now?”
This question is one I often suggest to my parent coaching clients because I find it so helpful to use myself. When I am faced with a dilemma of what to do next or what to focus on, I use this question to get clear.
A few weeks ago, I spent some wonderful time on my own with my parents and my sisters and their children. Being with my four year old twin niece and nephew and my 6 year old niece reminded me of how helpful this question can be. When things got a bit wild – whether trying to get them out the door or dealing with a playtime accident, asking myself this question helped me to focus on the relationships (always of primary importance) and the activity needed at any given moment.
When a paint spill from an argument happened as we were setting up to paint together, I took a deep breath and asked myself “What is most important right now?” The answer was threefold:
- Get them to stop yelling at each other
- Clean up the paint on the chair and floor
- Involve them in the process so that they took responsibility and we could get back to having fun painting together
How does this question work?
Asking this question sharpens your mind to act wisely and quickly.
In this situation, I knew I had to shift the energy from upset to fun and keep them together in the same room. So, I gave them all jobs, tried to make it enjoyable, and pointed out how we could work together to fix the problem.
One of them got some paper towels, another helped water down the paint with his paintbrush, and the other took the cushions off the chairs to prevent further mess. As we worked, I talked about how we were all helping so that we could get back to painting faster. I pointed out their skills as they each participated in their own way, and soon we were back to business.
The power of this question, “What is most important right now?” is to help your brain let go of the distractions and focus on moving your people towards connection and positive action.
My client who made these great cards has used this question to calm herself down, shift big emotions towards cooperation, and get to a result that will benefit everyone, whether it be kids on the bus or kids into bed. See how this question might help you and let me know how it goes!
How can I learn more “connection catalysts”?
In the coming months, I will group these core connection catalysts by themes so that you can focus on a few each month. This leads to mastery because what you focus on grows! Or as I also like to say, “energy flows where attention goes.”
When you focus on one thing at a time, you are more likely to create a catalytic effect because you are fully present and mindful of both yourself and your child or the people in that moment.
One of my favorite definitions of mindfulness comes from Sebene Selassie and Jon Kabat-Zinn’s work: paying attention, on purpose, in the moment, without judgment.
In some ways, the words “pause” or “mindfulness” can serve as connection catalysts. Saying either word to yourself brings about mindfulness as you stop and pay attention to what is happening in a given moment, on purpose and without judgment – just noticing what is happening in a factual way. I have a friend who chose the word “pause” as her word of the year one year and found it to be very powerful on multiple levels.
Upcoming Connection Catalyst Themes
Here are the broad themes you can look forward to learning about and practicing in the coming months:
- Validation – the key to connection
- It’s all about relationships
- Be specific to get cooperation
- Use imagination
- Hold the boundary
- Less is more
- Turn to wonder and curiosity
- Build a family culture
You can turn these themes into connection catalysts that you can write on your own deck of cue cards. Each month, I’ll go into more depth on 1-2 themes and offer related “connection catalysts” that will help you remember phrases with transformative power. I’ll illustrate ways to use the phrases with examples from real life. If that connection catalyst speaks to you, you can try it out with your own family as well as with other people in your life.
Do you have some of your own “go-to phrases” that help you turn things around when life is challenging? Leave a comment or email me and tell me about them. If you want your story featured in an upcoming newsletter, just let me know you are open to sharing it. We all help each other when we share our experiences and wisdom!
Stay tuned to learn more about the power of validation!
Have a great week!
Amy
Related Blogs:
Check out these blogs for more ideas to make the most of the spring season and feel good about your parenting.
Need more energy this season? Try this tool! – How do I increase my energy? Pay attention to how you feel to experience more energy – both as a person and as a parent. Learn tools to make it easier!
How to stop yelling and feel better – Learn how to create your own Parenting Mantras!
Heart-led Freedom in Parenting– Tools and a meditation to help you access your body and mind’s inner wisdom.
How to Align with Spring Energy – Great ways to think about what to let go of and what to bring in this season
Need some help figuring out how to apply these ideas in your family?
Schedule a Complimentary Clarity Call with me or bring this up at your next parent coaching session.
Who I serve: I coach parents from coast to coast in the US and internationally. Thanks to Zoom, I am currently coaching parents from Boston to Seattle, Connecticut to California, as well as New York, Ohio, and Colorado. I’ve worked with parents in Bermuda, Japan, Portugal, and Canada as well. I’m grateful for these global and domestic connections!
Amy these are just wonderful. I love your ideas. Thank you dearly. ❤️❤️❤️Erin
Oh, a good one I like, “how important is it?”