Heart-Led Freedom in Parenting

Heart-led freedom in parenting means pausing to check in with your body and inner wisdom to know what next step will help you feel free and at peace. Using this tool of an inward-looking pause will help you in all arenas of your life – personal, parenting, and beyond.

What do I really need or want right now?

Heart-led freedom means asking yourself, “What do I really need or want right now?” and trusting your heart’s answer to guide your communication. This check-in will help you make decisions that are aligned with your inner wisdom. You will communicate more clearly and feel better about how you spend your time.

This doesn’t mean that we suddenly abandon our responsibilities to go lead a life of complete freedom.

Instead, it might mean choosing not to go to a night-time meeting in order to spend time with your kids. Or that you stay out of trying to solve someone else’s problem. If you have older kids, perhaps your teen has shared a hard situation with you. Heart-led freedom means trusting the other person to figure out what’s best for them. You can ask questions to help them think, and maintain your own serenity while offering support. This is sometimes easier said than done, but it gets more comfortable with practice.

Speak your truth

With young children, heart-led freedom might lead you to get down on your child’s level and speak openly and directly to them, telling them how you feel, what you need, and asking them for some specific help. (Example, while kneeling down: “Honey, I feel tired and alone making dinner. I need some help. Would you be willing to set the table and put out napkins / put away your toys?”)

Spoken calmly and with love, this type of honesty can create a sense of kind mutual respect between you and your child. It feels good to be helpful when someone asks you to help them instead of telling you to do something.

Asking oneself, “What does heart-led freedom look like today?” can apply to decisions about things as small as what you want to wear that day to bigger decisions, like how to help loved ones facing health challenges or what your children will do this summer.

I recommend closing your eyes, taking a deep breath, and asking yourself what your heart needs.

What does heart-led freedom mean to YOU?

Try this question on to see what comes up for you. Perhaps some guiding words will come to mind, like “Take a nap,” or “Let go” or “Connect.” Or maybe you’ll receive a creative idea to solve a problem, whether it be putting on some music to change the mood of your family or the energy to give a cranky child a hug instead of repeating a directive again.

To use this question in our parenting means accepting the moment as it is and asking oneself what one needs. While we might not be able to satisfy our needs in that moment, at least we are in tune with what we need so that we are more able to get that need met in the near future.

We might need to ask for help, change a plan, or shift our expectations in order to take care of ourselves.

If you are struggling to get what you need, schedule a Complimentary Clarity Call with me or bring that question to your next parent coaching call with me. You might also talk with a friend who helps you think “outside the box” to explore new possibilities.

Consider sharing your challenge with your kids (depending on what it is) and seeing if they have some good ideas for you. Our kids are often quite wise! You’ll also be modeling how to ask for help.

Additional Reflections on Heart-Led Freedom

I recently led an interfaith women’s group on the topic of “heart-led freedom and spaciousness,” and thought you might enjoy some of the ideas from that discussion, too.

Here are some of the gems from that conversation for you:

1) A MEDITATION TO ENJOY:

I recorded a guided meditation to help people tap into feelings of joy and freedom – past, present and future – through a cool “time-travel” experience that gives you images, feelings, and words of wisdom to use in your current life.

Give some love to yourself. I highly recommend taking 20 minutes to listen, relax, and visit wonderful memories you haven’t thought of in years. I’m still enjoying some of the memories that came up for me as I led the meditation. Note – I recorded this when speaking to women, but if you’re a dad or non-binary parent, just substitute your pronouns in where appropriate.

Listen to the meditation HERE. You might want to have a journal or some Post-Its near by to write down some of the sparks of wisdom you’ll receive. The first four minutes help you relax your body and the rest of the meditation takes you on a wonderful journey through time. You’ll walk away with a deeper, more loving connection to your inner self and wise guidance to use in your current life.

If you like this meditation and/or want to learn more about this process, check out this page and consider booking an Inner Counselor Process™meditation with me.

2) THREE QUESTIONS TO EXPLORE:

How can we experience freedom even in the midst of frustrating moments when we might at first feel we have no choice? How does knowing that we have choice over our responses free up new possibilities?

What would love and compassion towards yourself and others look like in a hard moment?

How does being present to whatever is happening in that moment help us to tap into a sense of freedom and spaciousness?

3) FIVE QUOTES TO PONDER:

“It’s a transformative experience to simply pause instead of immediately fill up the space.” Pema Chödron

“When you say “yes” to the “isness” of life, when you accept this moment as it is, you can feel a sense of spaciousness within you that is deeply peaceful.” Eckhart Tolle

“Relaxing into not knowing is almost like surrendering into a big, comfortable chair; you just fall into a field of possibility.” Adyashanti

“Freedom is the will to be responsible to ourselves.” Friedrich Nietzsche

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” Viktor Emil Frankl

May you experience heart-led freedom and wonderful connection with your family, friends, and people in your wider community.

Until next time,

Amy

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Check out my other blogs.

Here’s a link to the Heart-led Freedom meditation. Like that one? Check out other meditations on Sound Cloud.

Who I serve: I coach parents from coast to coast in the US and internationally. Thanks to Zoom, I am currently coaching parents from Boston to Seattle, Connecticut to California, as well as New York, Ohio, and Colorado. I’ve worked with parents in Bermuda, Japan, Portugal, and Canada as well. I’m grateful for these global and domestic connections!

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So many of the strategies we are working on also help each of us personally…

Before we started parent coaching with Amy, we were feeling a bit confused and helpless. After working together for a few months, we feel armed with knowledge, tools, and strategies that we didn’t have before. That may sound simple but it’s huge. We feel greater confidence as parents now that we can better understand our children’s experiences in both big and little ways and have different tools to help them when they need it. So many of the strategies we are working on also help each of us personally and our family in general. We can genuinely say that we have gotten exactly what we hoped to get out of our sessions. Best of all, Amy is compassionate, fun, and easy to talk to, and she helps us without any judgment.

Robyn and Mike D., Reading, MA, parents of a 6 year old boy and 3 year old daughter

Practical parenting tools and larger vision…

When I started out working with Amy, I was overwhelmed by my (10 year old) son’s behavior and struggling to balance his needs and wants with my own. Her support has been invaluable, both in providing me with practical parenting tools and in guiding me to be able to see the larger vision of what I most value and want – to support my son in the long run. To use the forest/tree metaphor: when I started working with Amy I felt like parenting was a process of continually running into trees. Working with her has allowed me to see each of those trees as a possibility for growth and connection with my kid, and the larger forest is now my vision of our family values and goals.

Nina M., Amherst MA, Mom of a 10 year old boy

I have learned several techniques to help my mind when it starts to spin…

I have learned several techniques to help my mind control itself when it starts to spin. I find everyday it’s become less and less chaotic since the house has become calm. Today, I am finding the kids are showing their faces around us more often and sitting in the same rooms as us. We still have work to do in a few areas, but the atmosphere in our home has been far more pleasant and without an immediate attitude when the kids are asked to do something to help.

Doreen D., Marshfield, MA, parent of two teens

She helped us understand how ADHD and DCD affect our child’s mind and body…

We started working with Amy after a diagnosis of ADHD and Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD) for our oldest child left us feeling completely overwhelmed. Amy is relatable and knowledgeable. Her approach is multi-faceted; she helped us understand exactly how these disorders affect our child’s mind and body, while also encouraging us to explore our own emotions, reactions and communication styles with each other and with our child. She provided us not only with specific tools and strategies to better interact with our child, but useful context to explain certain traits or behaviors. We would definitely recommend Amy to any parent struggling to understand their child and their own parenting approach with more clarity and intention.

Emma C. and Dan B., Boston MA, parents of two children ages 2 and 5

I’ve shifted from hovercraft, drone-strike parenting to gardener…It feels like I’m taking the most important graduate-level class of my life!

In the beginning, I felt like I was in crisis-mode. I was frequently anxious which affected my mood and ability to handle sensitive teen emotions. And sometimes I even felt like I caused more angst than was initially there. Now, I feel more capable, less impatient, more empathic, less anxious, more forgiving. I really appreciate the big mind-shifts and acronyms to help me remember and use them. It feels like I’m taking the most important graduate-level class of my life!

Emily S., Mom of two boys ages 10 and 13 in Lexington, MA

Choosing to work with Amy is one of the best decisions I’ve made!

Amy’s parent coaching has been transformative for me as a mother and as an individual. Her wealth of creative ideas has not only addressed parenting challenges but has also positively influenced my personal growth. Amy’s genuine care extends beyond parenting; she values you as a whole person. The strategies I’ve implemented have brought ease and improved communication within my family life. Choosing to work with Amy is one of the best decisions I’ve made!

Jamie B., Mom of a 6 year old boy in Philadelphia, PA

Amy is a wizard!

Amy is a wizard! Her calm, straightforward approach quietly boosts your confidence while she gives you the tools to implement desired changes. Her process and emphasis on ownership through the playbook and notes are key to success, and she’s tuned into this process. Whatever your struggle, Amy is the person you can count on for support.

Jennifer R., Mom of two Seattle, WA

Amy helped us resolve the most painful parts of the day…

My friend referred me to Amy when I was feeling frustrated and overwhelmed with some negative dynamics going on in our home. After a few months of working together, I feel like my family is lighter and happier together. I have a toolkit of mindsets and strategies to go back to when I need support. Amy helped us resolve the most painful parts of the day so that now we can focus on the deeper work of getting along and supporting each other as a family.

Lara Frankovich, mother of 3 boys ages 8, 13, and 15, Colorado

I feel much better equipped to navigate many different situations…

Amy’s coaching has been critical in my healing journey. She provided a constructive and safe environment where I felt comfortable sharing details of my experiences, and received much needed support in processing and recognizing issues of past and present. I feel much better equipped to navigate many different situations, pulling from the toolkit of techniques she has helped me build. I continue to see improvements in how I handle scenarios and relationships as a result of our work together.

Enabling us to access our best selves even at the hardest times…

Amy, thank you so much for your support in allowing us to reach for the family life we hope to create, and enabling us to access our best selves, even at the hardest times! I feel a buoyancy this afternoon after our call that gives me hope heading into the holiday week!

Rosy, Robert, Carla and Marian

More harmony together as a family…

Amy helped us become more self aware and “cool our temperature” when kids get upset. We learned the importance of being able to step back and address issues during calm times and not in the heat of the moment. We feel a new sense of agency and are enjoying deeper conversations, healthier activities, and more harmony together as a family.

Sarah and Noah, Pembroke, Bermuda, Parents of 9 and 11 year old children

An extraordinary process…

It was an extraordinary process to not just learn about my daughter’s style and temperament, or her values and strengths, but to also see how this was an opportunity for me to grow. I tell everyone I can about the impact of this experience on my person, my relationship with my daughter, and on our family.

Marta B, Northampton, MA

It felt magical…

Each week we worked on a new struggle and every time there was a positive result. It honestly felt magical seeing these struggles we dreamed of changing come to life. Amy truly feels like a lifeline. Working with her is one of the best investments we have made for our family.

Doug and Ashley, Roslindale, MA

Mindset changes, resets, concrete examples…

Amy has helped me with mindset changes, resets, concrete examples, and ideas for things to do in the moment. I am more in-tune with my daughters developmentally. Parent Coaching has been an amazing resource that has helped me to enjoy my children and family so much more.

Megan, Mom of 3 and 7 year old daughters in Columbus, OH

Reduced the feelings that I’m performing badly as a parent…

Amy helped me see how the kids really are expanding my world view – by the way they are and how they make their way through the world. I have reduced the feelings that I’m performing badly as a parent and increased harmony in the house by changing my reactions and mindset so that we all feel better.

Michelle Farrington, Mom of two teens in Arlington, MA

We know we will come back to Amy for help and guidance…

Navigating life with a 3 year old was challenging enough but with a newborn on the way we knew we weren’t prepared. Our daughter was already very mommy dependent and we were expecting that to get worse. And it did. But Amy helped us through it by adjusting our thoughts and giving us techniques and tools to use during this difficult stage. We know we will come back to Amy for help and guidance when we hit the next rough patch.

Brett and Heidi, parents of a new baby and 3 year old, Newton MA

She provided personalized techniques…

My teenage son could not return to school during the Pandemic due to his social anxiety. After a couple of psychologists who specialize in anxiety failed to help him, I decided to learn some skills myself to help him recover by reaching out to Amy. I have been very impressed by Amy’s exceptional empathy, kindness, and professional skills. She provided ample great ideas and personalized techniques that helped me bond with my son and improve his self-confidence. As a result, he was able to attend several in-person summer camps and is adjusting to a new high school now! I hope other parents with anxious kids can benefit from Amy’s great help too.

Father of a teenager boy with social anxiety, Newton, MA

Definitely worth every penny to help yourself and your family.

Amy provides insight, support, and compassion to parents struggling to connect, listen, laugh, and understand their children. Through patience and humor, Amy finds a way to navigate the intensity of parenting and partnership. Amy shows you patterns in your behavior, insight into your child, and how to connect with your spouse. If you want to feel more calm, more connected to your kids and spouse, and more centered within yourself, Amy is the coach for you. Her accessibility, gentle guidance, and support are wrapped in levity, understanding, and care. Definitely worth every penny to help yourself and your family.

Jen Carter, M.D., Stratham, NH. Mom of three children ages 8, 10 and 12

Coaching with Amy has been one of the best investments we’ve made.

We sought out parent coaching because we felt like we lost our patience too easily as parents and then often felt judgmental of ourselves. We both knew that there was a way to apply our mindfulness practices to parenting, but needed guidance. Amy helped us learn to collaborate with our child more often to get his input on difficult situations, like morning routines, which helps him invest in the solutions. We also have more productive conversations with him when we process difficulties because we have a framework. We feel closer as a family.

Amy is non-judgmental and easy-going, which makes being vulnerable enough to make real changes easier. Her humor, practical approach and excellent questions made all the difference. Coaching with Amy has been one of the best investments we’ve made.

Amy and Pete, Mansfield, MA

Parent coaching with Amy has transformed our family.

Parent coaching with Amy has transformed our family. When we started, we were exhausted and exasperated with parenting and our kids. We felt as though we’d gone through our “toolbox” and were out of ideas on how to have cooperative, yet happy kids and family. By the end of the day we often felt bad/sad about our own actions that day.

Parent coaching has enabled us to take a step back to learn about each of our kids and their emotional, physical and developmental needs. And because we recognize that each is unique, and often changing, our parenting needs to be flexible and less rigid than we’d set up. We can have more fun, enjoyment and laughter AND feel successful at the end of the day. Remembering to find the joy and playfulness makes for happy kids and parents!

We’ve worked through countless real, concrete solutions to our family’s everyday challenges. We’re building a toolbox. We’re learning how to use it in real time and having more fun, too.

Melissa and Ernie, parents of 5 year old twin boys and a 2 year old girl in Newton, MA

I am able to be the parent I wanted to be.

I have been talking about this experience of parent coaching with every parent I talk to. I’ve shared the value of the resources and time reflecting and processing. At the beginning I felt overwhelmed, hopeless, and like a complete failure. Now I feel confident and recharged. I am able to be the parent I wanted to be. Our weekly conversations have been most helpful. You are so positive, supportive, and nonjudgmental, which is what we all need when talking about our insecurities with parenting.

Mo Reed-McNally, mom of 5 and 7 year old boys in Amherst, MA

I’m grateful I’ve had you as a touch point and lifeline.

Your parenting, relationship, and individual coaching has been invaluable to me through this year which has been challenging in so many ways. I’m grateful I’ve had you as a touch point and lifeline. Your parenting insights and ideas made me step back and examine the type of relationship and family I want to create –and recognize that our family and relationship doesn’t have to be the one that just happens, but that I can be more in control and a creator of both. You have been a true treasure and ray of light for me during a difficult year.

Sara, mom of 7 year old girl and twin 5 year old boys in Marin County, CA

Coaching strengthened our relationship with our older daughter and each other.

The most important impact of parent coaching for us is that now we’re on the same page as parents in terms of how we handle our daughter’s behavior. Before that, our strategies were reactive or inconsistent. Through our weekly coaching sessions, we gained clarity on what was happening and learned how to handle meltdowns effectively. We learned to pay attention to WHY our daughter was behaving negatively, which enabled us to get much better at meeting her needs. Now it’s hard to remember the last time there was a hitting or yelling episode! We are both on the same page and can tap in for each other when one of us needs a break. Parent coaching with Amy was a really worthwhile investment that has strengthened our relationship with our older daughter and each other. We are truly grateful to Amy for her guidance through a big transition for our family.

Andy and Elizabeth, parents of girls ages 4 and 7 months, Roslindale, MA

Amy helped us bring back a sense of delight of being with our son.

Amy helped us navigate through a really turbulent time and brought back a sense of delight of being with our son. He is now less whiny, better at coping with emotions, and more self-directed and we are calmer and more confident in our approach to parenting, which makes all of us feel happier to be together. What makes Amy truly stand out is her hands-on, judgement-free approach—over six sessions, she equipped us with the tools and language to approach parenting challenges and help our son build resilience and navigate his emotions. We learned to emphasize the positive and to show our son the process of our thinking through things. We now encourage him to participate in problem solving and he comes up with great ideas. Seeing things from our son’s perspective gave us new insight into his needs. We are all enjoying less conflict and more fun around the house!

Jennifer Chen and Simon Montlake, Cambridge, MA

I am a much happier, stronger person than I was when we started

I am incredibly grateful that I had Amy as a coach during a time of intense personal change and growth. She helped me to reflect on and understand difficult losses, she helped me to be a better parent to my teenaged children through big transitions, and she helped me make changes in my life that have allowed me to grow and to thrive. I am a much happier, stronger person than I was when I started coaching 12 weeks ago–Amy has made such a difference in my life.

Amy, mother of 2 teens in Newton, MA

I felt supported, heard, and understood every step of the way.

Through the whole coaching process, Amy was the very definition of committed. She was completely focused and engaged, took copious notes, asked highly relevant questions, engaged in dialogue for the sake of discovery and clarification, and took the time to compose thoughtful emails. I felt supported, heard, and understood every step of the way.

Father in Brookline, MA

We are having more fun with our kids now.

We would definitely recommend parent coaching with Amy. She helped us build our parenting muscles, work better as a team and build our confidence to parent well and in line with our values. We are having more fun with our kids now and feel like we have some more structure and control over what happens at home.

Parents of two young children in West Roxbury, MA

Amy helps me to focus on what is most important in my life.

Amy reminds me to pay attention to and move toward what lights me up and what makes me feel most alive. This helps me to focus on what is most important in my life.

Mother dealing with separation and job transition in Newton, MA

There is now a wonderful friendship and love between me and my son…

It has been two years since I did parenting coaching sessions with Amy and I still use ideas and techniques I learned during that time. I am so happy that there is now a wonderful friendship and love between me and my son which I had not thought would be possible when I started the coaching. He now reads more books and makes better choices. I am so grateful to Amy for those conversations, and her support and wisdom that changed my approach to parenting and brought light into our family life.

Olga, Newton parent of 7 & 3 years old

My stress level has decreased to a more manageable level.

Working one on one with Amy has been invaluable to our family. With her help, I have become more firm, clear, and confident in my parenting. Before I worked with Amy, my stress level about parenting was on the high end. As a result of working with Amy, my stress level has decreased to a more manageable level. My family routines have greatly improved and I’ve learned to make a more concerted effort in nurturing all of the relationships in our family. I highly recommend Amy Behrens as a parent coach.

Maura, mother of boys ages 6 and 2 in Roslindale, MA

Parent Coach and Educator

What do I really need or want right now?

Speak your truth

What does heart-led freedom mean to YOU?

Additional Reflections on Heart-Led Freedom

2) THREE QUESTIONS TO EXPLORE:

How can we experience freedom even in the midst of frustrating moments when we might at first feel we have no choice? How does knowing that we have choice over our responses free up new possibilities?

3) FIVE QUOTES TO PONDER:

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Parent Coach and Educator

Heart-Led Freedom in Parenting

What do I really need or want right now?

Speak your truth

What does heart-led freedom mean to YOU?

Additional Reflections on Heart-Led Freedom

2) THREE QUESTIONS TO EXPLORE:

How can we experience freedom even in the midst of frustrating moments when we might at first feel we have no choice? How does knowing that we have choice over our responses free up new possibilities?

3) FIVE QUOTES TO PONDER:

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