Who hasn’t anxiously awaited a parent teacher conference – wondering what the teacher thinks of your child, mulling over what questions to ask during such a short 10 minutes?

I often help parents of children of all ages get ready to make the most of their conferences as they figure out how to best support their child. During my years of being an English teacher, I often used analogies to help my students remember themes to structure their writing. I’ve adapted the “writing sandwich” analogy to help you prepare for a conference so that you feel confident and ready to connect with your child’s teacher.

The “Conference Sandwich” I recommend:

Bread Base: Clarity and Curiosity – What do you want to know from the teacher?
Protein: Story about a strength of your child
Toppings: Concerns you have based on observations/ conversations with your child
Bread Top: Appreciation of the teacher and Gratitude for the work they are doing

Healthy options to add:

Mindfulness: Pause and take time to reflect, get centered, and breathe before and during the conference.

Mindset: Remember that you are a team with your child’s teacher – plant seeds that signify that you want to work with the teacher and that you will treat the teacher with respect and consideration, giving him or her the benefit of the doubt. You are likely to improve the relationship by modeling the type of behavior you wish to experience in return.

How do I use this Conference Sandwich successfully?

Choose and lay out the “bread”: Spend some time getting clear on what you most want to know from your child’s teacher.

Think from different angles – academic, social/emotional, physical, and overall
Come up with a few questions you can ask – the more specific, the better. The questions you ask communicate what is important to you and can guide teachers towards what you want for your child, so take time to formulate some good questions. If you need help, you can schedule a Clarity Call with me.

Examples:

• My child didn’t enjoy writing much last year because she often felt bored and distracted. Can you share how you are approaching the writing process this year?
• My son is new to the school and I’m concerned about him making new friends. How do you use seating arrangements and projects to help your students form new relationships?
• My daughter needs to move around a lot so that she can focus. What opportunities are scheduled into the school day to allow students to move and release energy?

Select your “protein”: Consider your child’s strengths and be able to tell a 1-2 minute story that illustrates these strengths.

Remember that stories are much more memorable than descriptions. If you want a teacher to understand something about your child, come up with an example or two that you could share and be able to name the qualities you appreciate in your child. You want to paint a picture in the teacher’s mind that can enlarge his or her view of your child. Then you’ll be ready if the teacher asks you what you’d like him or her to know about your child.
Examples:

• Martina is a creative and energetic child. Last week, she came up with a project of making a weaving loom, and spent hours watching some how-to videos, gathering supplies, and them making a tapestry. I was impressed!
• Charlie loves action. One of the best ways I can get him to sit down at dinner is to invite him to help me get the food ready and set the table while he’s dancing to music.

Add any “extra toppings”: If you have some concerns, spend some time listening to your child to get more information about what your child is experiencing in the classroom.

The more facts you can gather, the better equipped you will be to describe what is happening in a non-judgmental way that opens up communication instead of putting the teacher on the defensive. You can also ask questions that guide the teacher towards a possible response.

Examples:

• Ricardo has missed 4 homework assignments because he doesn’t seem to write down the homework in his planner. We are working with him on this, and I’m wondering how you share about the homework in class. Are there ways that you support students who are still developing some of these executive function skills?
• Adina has mentioned that she has been in the same seat since the first day of school. She is interested in getting to know other children in the class and so I’m wondering how often you change the seating arrangement.
• Caleb has mentioned that he feels alone on the playground and the other kids don’t invite him to play. He is shy and often needs kids to invite him in order to feel safe entering a game. What is the role of the playground monitors? Are there teachers out there who can help kids who have a harder time connecting with other kids?

Close with another generous “slice of bread”: Think about a quality or two that your child appreciates about this teacher and close with a thank you and comment about that quality.

This helps the teacher feel acknowledged for his/her special gifts and ways of being as well.

Examples:

• Thanks for taking the time to meet with me. My daughter appreciates your sense of humor and is glad that you make an effort to make learning fun.
• Thank you for meeting with us today. Our son appreciates that you love science as much as he does. I hope he’ll share about his collections with you this year.

What if you think the teacher is a bad fit for your child, even after trying these methods at a parent conference?

Check out this article (for which I got interviewed) by Sue Shellenbarger of the Wall Street Journal on “When You Think Your Child’s Teacher is a Bad Fit”.

Remember that each conference is a snapshot of that moment in time.

You can always follow up if you forgot to mention something or have further questions.

It’s all about relationships, so do what you can to initiate a good relationship with your child’s teacher if you can.

Send out the energy you hope to receive in return, both for yourself and your child.

Need help planning out what you want to say? Schedule a Clarity Call with me today.

Who I serve: I coach parents from coast to coast in the US and internationally.  Thanks to Zoom, I am currently coaching parents from Boston to Seattle, Connecticut to California, as well as New York, Ohio, and Colorado. I’ve worked with parents in Bermuda, Japan, Portugal, and Canada as well. I’m grateful for these global and domestic connections!