Faith and trust are necessary for peace and well-being and yet they are becoming harder to practice in our current world. We are living in uncertain times, as human beings always have, but the world is changing at a faster pace now. Technological advances, communication, environmental shifts, nations rising and falling, and our awareness of the world increase daily. As parents, we feel these changes intensely as we try to help our kids navigate a world that feels different than the world of our childhood and adolescence. Cultivating faith and trust through mindfulness and love can help us feel more confident in the face of uncertainty and change.
How do we cope with uncertainty?
For me, I’ve always found it helpful to allow myself to feel those fears and then to come back to the present moment, considering what I believe and value, and how I want to live my life. I love Pema Chödrön’s advice in her book Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change:
Be fully present.
Feel your heart.
And engage in the next moment without an agenda.
Practicing this set of skills strengthens me over time to deal with uncertainty and to be mindful of my inner wisdom. When I engage in the next moment by doing something that is congruent with and faithful to my beliefs and values, I feel a rightness deep down, even if it also feels risky and difficult. With my children, that can mean holding them to a boundary I have set even if they complain and put up a fuss.
Pause and breathe to ground yourself
If I pause to ground myself in my feelings and my beliefs, I can stay calm, firm and clear, and they will often later acknowledge that they understand my reasons and agree with me deep down, and that feels good. Sometimes they are still frustrated, and then I just have to listen and do what I think it right, having faith and trust that I am acting in their best interest.
When dealing with uncertainty on a larger level, this same technique can be effective. I can be fully present, feel my heart and engage in the next moment, accepting that I cannot control the larger world. What I can control is my response and my focus. For me, this often means choosing to stand up for justice by organizing a group or activity or having a conversation with someone, whether it be a family member, another parent, or someone in a position of authority who can make a larger impact. My next steps become clear as I look within and then engage with others.
What can we do to develop faith and trust?
I find it helpful to come together with other people to reflect on our experiences of living. That inclination is part of why I loved being a teacher for many years – I love bringing people together and creating learning environments. Since I left the middle school classroom to have my first child 22 years ago, I’ve been hosting a monthly interfaith gathering of women at my house, wherever I am living – whether it be Massachusetts, England, or Portugal – as a way of bringing people together from different age groups and cultural, religious and economic backgrounds to connect with each other and learn from each other. These gatherings give me faith and trust in people as I witness the connections and feel the warmth of people appreciating new ideas and the unique qualities and experiences they discover in each other.
During a gathering focused on “faith” and “trust,” we had an eye-opening discussion as women shared very different experiences of growing up in America and other countries across the world. We opened our discussion by each choosing a quote from the program I had put together and explaining why that quote resonated with us. Gathering with other people and listening to each other’s experiences grows our knowledge, compassion, and ability to cope with a changing world. We can model connecting with people and being interested in their perspectives and experiences for our children, while deeply benefitting from those conversations ourselves.
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Some quotes on faith and trust to ponder…
“Trust in God but tie your camel.” Unknown
“God enters through the wound.” Carl Jung (Swiss psychiatrist)
“The first sign of faith is love.” Bahá’u’lláh (Bahá’í Faith)
“See the world as yourself. Have faith in the way things are. Love the world as yourself; then you can care for all things.” Lao-Tzu (Taoist philosopher)
The paradoxical nature of life – Turn challenges into opportunities
These quotes speak to the duality or paradoxical nature of life. “Trust in God but tie your camel” is a saying that has guided me for years. It continually applies to parenting. We need to trust our children AND also set up situations that help them to do the right thing. Because we are human beings, we are prone to error, so we need to help ourselves and each other behave with integrity and responsibility by removing temptations or making them more difficult to attain – tying that camel.
However, when things don’t go well, we have opportunities to express love and initiate growth as we work through those challenges– the healing “through the wound” as Jung puts it. This is the work I help parents do through parent coaching – turning challenges into opportunities for growth and connection. “The first sign of faith is love.” By having faith in ourselves and in our children and families, we show them unconditional love and trust that they and we are worthy just as they/we are. We also acknowledge that we can all grow and change over time.
Lao-Tzu teaches us to “See the world as yourself. Have faith in the way things are. Love the world as yourself; then you can care for all things.” When we care for others as they are and love the world as ourselves, we increase our capacity for love and deepen our faith and trust in the world.
How do we practice love, faith and trust in uncertain times?
As parents, we may feel our faith and trust shaken by losing someone precious, experiencing tragedy and hardship, and seeing great injustice. How do we respond when our children see this uncertainty in us and experience it themselves? I am thinking about these questions daily as I read the news and see the images of human suffering all over the globe.
What would I do in the shoes of a woman trying to protect her child as she flees a dangerous situation? How would I respond to yet another incidence of violence in schools or our communities? I don’t really know the answer. However, I do know that I would turn to spiritually oriented teachings and practice love, faith and trust in God/a Higher Power. In the wounds, I would seek opportunities to grow, create and connect. I would fight for justice in any way I could.
This is what we are called to do as parents and people in the world – love, grow, and struggle to care for all things as ourselves. We have daily opportunities to cultivate these qualities and practices in our lives so that we are strong and ready to take on the bigger challenges when they come. Daily practice increases our faith and trust in ourselves and the world.
Questions for Further Reflection and Discussion
If, like me, you find reflecting with others helpful, here are a few questions on faith and trust you might explore together. I invite you to choose a question to discuss with your family at the dinner table or with friends in the coming weeks. I’d love to hear about your experiences, so send me an email if you feel like sharing.
What steps can we take in our own lives to practice “alignment” or “congruence” – to help us to be faithful to our beliefs?
What qualities do we need to cultivate in ourselves so that people will consider us trustworthy and have faith in us?
How do you keep your faith when the world seems less stable and safe?
Want to learn more?
Schedule a 30-minute conversation with me or check back in for future blogs. I look forward to continuing the conversation!
