You know that feeling of getting pulled off course when your tires are out of alignment? Have you ever had a flat tire that makes your car wobble? That’s how our days can feel when we don’t feel in control of where they’re going.
This month I’m focusing on ways to get centered. It’s always important to start from the inside out, so step one is getting clear on our priorities. And step two is organizing our lives in ways that allow us to live in alignment with our priorities.
Imagine feeling clear and centered each day.
Wouldn’t it feel great to go to sleep at night knowing that you focused on the things that are truly important to you? And to have that feeling of satisfaction that comes from doing what you really wanted to do?
I recommend setting aside a good hour to do the reflections in this blog or do them in parts. Need support to take time for yourself? Find a friend and do it together or schedule a Clarity Call with me and I can help you.
Get clear on your priorities: Take stock and reflect by color coding
When we feel like something isn’t working in our lives, it’s helpful to stop and look first at what is actually happening in a non-judgmental way. Like a scientist, we need to look, observe and record what we notice.
In order to take stock of what is filling my days, I’ve been color-coding the activities in my calendar this past month so that I can see patterns and look at the balance between my priorities. I’d been feeling a bit off kilter with everything that is going on, so I needed to find a way to see how I’m actually spending my days in order to identify what needs to shift.
If you don’t keep a calendar, but want to do some reflection on where your time is going, you can create an activity log for a week and then try the color coding method. If you are the primary caretaker of your children, being with them may be most of what you are doing right now. In that case, you might color code what types of activities you are doing with your kids over the course of the day. This will help you get more clarity on what is happening, even if it all feels a like a big swirl of making food, cleaning up, helping, and prodding before falling into bed exhausted each night.
Pause and build in little ways to nurture your body, mind, and spirit
I’ve talked with several clients this week about how we can lose ourselves in meeting our children’s needs and/or our job’s needs, and how it’s important to make sure we are nurturing our own interests and objectives, too, in order to feel happy and fulfilled. When we feel depleted, it’s harder to parent well, so we owe it to both ourselves and our children to attend to our own needs as well as to theirs.
Make a list of little things that make you feel better and stronger – maybe doing a plank while your child crawls under your human tunnel or having a high-protein snack when your energy dips in the afternoon, or perhaps having a cup of tea and reading a page out of a book that inspires you. Sometimes watching something that makes you laugh out loud is just what you need to feel a lift in your mood and energy. When we identify little moments of joy and self-care, they become easier to weave into our days. You might even post this list of personal energy boosts inside a cabinet you open to remind you to take care of yourself.
Color code to see patterns
As you sit down to reflect on your calendar or activity log, get out some fun highlighters or colorful markers and choose a color for each of your priorities.
Make a list of your priorities.
Some that you might consider are:
- Family
- Friends
- School – for your kids or you
- Work – current or future
- Exercise
- Fun/Play
- Downtime
- Community
- Spirituality/Religion
- Personal projects
- Hobbies /interests/ music
You might combine some of these categories in your life or see them as separate.
Now categorize your priorities with a color.
Choose a color for each priority/category and then box or highlight where activities in those categories appear on your calendar. This is a process, so it’s ok to play around with it until you find a method that is helpful to you. Email me or schedule a Clarity Call if you need some support.
Need help categorizing your activities? Here are some steps you can take…
Reflect on your week
To help you discern your priorities and identify categories, look over your calendar and jot down some observations in response to the following questions:
- What are you spending your time on?
- How would you group and name those types of activities?
- Which categories feel most important to you right now?
- What other categories feel important, but might not even make the calendar?
Example: For me, my most important categories are:
- Family – kids, husband, and extended family
- Work – Parent Coaching
- Writing / Planning / Self-Education
- Volunteer work on racial justice, peacemaking, and community building
- Friends/Exercise/Fun (which I often combine)
As I reflected, I saw that I need to build in more downtime for reading, playing, and relaxation, which I noticed was not really on my calendar as much as I’d like.
Notice patterns:
Another approach to taking stock and identifying shifts you might want to make is to notice patterns. These stand out when you have color coded your calendar. When I did this, I saw that my volunteer work was taking up more time than I had realized, and that while it’s a priority for me, I need to put some boundaries on it to make sure that I have time for my other priorities such as my family, my work and my writing.
Try asking yourself:
- Does the balance of activities reflect my priorities?
- What in my life needs more attention, time and focus right now?
- How can I creatively combine some of my priorities?
- What is not on my calendar that I would like to add into my life?
- What is draining me that I can offload to others?
Partner up with someone to help you get clarity.
Talk through your lists and priorities. Then work on rearranging a few things in your weekly schedule to help you align with your priorities. Check in with each other to see how you are doing and what you need to tweak after a week of testing it out.
I explore these questions with clients as part of our parent coaching work. It can be hard to do this work on your own and to integrate new habits. Setting up weekly calls with a coach like me, or a supportive friend can help you stay on track with changes you want to make in your life.
If you’d find it helpful to have someone look at your schedule or activity log with you, and you are ready to shift the balance of your days, schedule a Clarity Call with me or send me an email. We can brainstorm together and set up some little shifts in your day to help you feel more clear on your priorities and more satisfied at the end of each day.
Start with little shifts.
A number of my clients get an energy boost from being outside, so taking 10-30 minutes to go outside and inviting their children to come with them has helped them feel better. Many kids today resist going outside at first, but once they are out in the fresh air, they feel better and become more cooperative. I’ve been reflecting on what a privilege fresh air is as I’ve heard my California clients and family talk about how hard it has been to be stuck inside for days and weeks with the windows closed. So if you can take some time each day to be outside, do it! This little shift of doing something outside, even if it’s cold and you need to get cozy in a blanket, can make a big difference in everyone’s mood.
I’m a big believer in the principle that little shifts can create big results, so be open to new ideas about how you can shift one thing to create a positive ripple effect in your day. It’s fun to brainstorm with my clients to come up with easy-to-apply tweaks that release positive energy in their families. Get creative as you consider ways of building in little shifts to your schedule.
Remember to add in some spontaneous fun!
Now that you have done this hard work of taking stock, reflecting, and getting schedule aligned with your priorities, give yourself the gift of fun. Look for spaces each day when you can be playful and silly, make your child laugh and feel loved, and do something simple that delights you.
Let me know what you try and what feels helpful as you reflect on your priorities and align your day. I’m here for you if you need support in figuring out next steps.
Until next time,
Amy
Further Reading:
Focus on joy, savor connections, and get better sleep to feel better
Melt conflict into cooperation
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